Today things were a little better. His kidneys are just a touch better and his mouth is starting to clear a little bit. They are bringing in wound care to take care of some of these things, that makes me happy. He sat in the chair most of the day, that’s progress. His feet, ankles and knees are really swollen and he has a really hard time walking on them. They say it’s due to all the liquid they are pumping into him. Tonight he ate a yogurt and 4 sips of chicken broth. He said he only did it so I would quit nagging him 🤣🤣. He had chocolate milk and about 1/4 of a smoothie this morning – so I’m calling today a win 🏅

So I get ready to leave the hospital, I make sure he has everything he is going to need on the table really close. I cover him up with multiple blankets, because he is cold all the time. I lay my head on his chest, put my arms around him and say “I miss you holding me, you always make me feel so safe, I am strong, but I’m not as strong without you”. He tries to hug me tight, but he’s got IV’s everywhere and he is on a ton of pain meds, so he is pretty weak. Then he says “I don’t like it when you leave, I’m scared”…..my tough guy is scared 🙁. Tears start rolling down my cheeks (which I don’t want him to see) I gather all my stuff, and walk to the door. I say bye honey, I will be here tomorrow. Then I go down two elevators, with tears just streaming down my face (people try not to look at me), I get to my car, and break down sobbing. I don’t want to leave. But I have a bunch of furry creatures that are also relying on me, so I make my hour drive home, listening to songs that make me cry more. Dave has always said that if he got sick he would be in trouble, because he thought I wouldn’t be there for him, man I proved him wrong. But I have always thought the same thing about him. I always tell him he will just put me in some home but I think I know now, we will take care of each other. Anyway, I always pull into my driveway and look at his truck, and I break down again. I finally walk to my door and I am greeted by 3 dogs who act like they haven’t seen me for weeks. I let them out, and Cash comes and literally hugs me and proceeds to wash away all my tears, and then sits in my lap (mind you he is 75 lbs). Then I walk in my house and am greeted by the whole crew of furry creatures 🤣. Some people think I’m insane, but you know what, I need them right now, as much as they need me. They calm my soul and make it seem like it will be okay, at least for tonight. Then I sit here and type random stuff in my notes. I research everything about how to cure Dave’s cancer, and how I can make him feel better – I usually fall asleep with my phone in my hand and my glasses still on 🤣. And I have kitties laying all over my chest. They are purring and touching my face and to me, that is heaven. Then I pass out and I wake up with cats and kitties everywhere (and I love it). So right now I am looking back on life and I’m thankful that I have Dave, that we have our 5 kids and their spouses….and grand babies, they make the world go round. During all of this there have been people come around that Dave hasn’t seen in 15 years, and he is so happy they came. He talks to his two sisters way more and Heather, who is a nurse, has shown up and it puts his mind to ease. Our kids have been wonderful. Dave and I always ask each other….how did we raise such wonderful children, I don’t know how we did that 🤣. My mom and dad are always on board to listen to me, and they go sit with Dave whenever I can’t be there first thing. My mom does Dave’s laundry. And the people at Downeast (that is where Dave works)….they are an incredible group. They come visit, they call, they have made some stuff happen for us….I don’t even know what to say, they do not make people like that anymore, and there is a whole company full of them, I am so humbled, and Dave just cries. Well, I am tired and I’m rambling….I’m going to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and find out it’s not a bad dream 😻

I am still at the hospital with Dave. He just does better when he feels my presence, he will wake up and automatically look for me. I will help him shower, make sure he has cold water, nag him to have chocolate milk and ensure clear 🤣. I think he is doing better today, he has stayed awake more and talked more. Tuesday and Wednesday he would just sleep. They gave him blood and IV nutrition, I think that has helped a ton. His kidneys are still not working, but they tell us to not worry, he just needs time to heal. The chemo is still floating around his body because the kidneys are not flushing it out. They tell us everything has to heal, and Dave is wore out. They are pushing this next chemo back until he is healed. If your kidneys don’t work it throws everything off, so they monitor him very close. They pump magnesium, potassium and anything else that is “off” into him. I will say this is where you want to be if you have cancer, they keep track of everything, they are so amazing. So I don’t think he will be home until next week. As long as the kidneys are shut down there is way to much to keep track of…..So I think I will go home. My mom is coming in the morning, we try to never leave him alone other than at night.